Shock Top Honey Bourbon Cask Wheat

rating_basement16 points

Sometimes when we sit down to write these reviews for you, we stare at the screen and wonder just where to begin. How best do we sum up a beer-drinking experience in written words?  How can we capture all the nuances for our readers?

shocktopbourbonUsually the struggle faces us most on beers we love — beers that knocked our socks off, yet we need to temper our enthusiasm and approach our review more scientifically.

This is not one of those times. In fact, we’re not going to even try to temper our feelings on this one.

This beer is quite possibly the most disgusting beverage ever concocted. If you see this beer anywhere, not only should you not drink it, but you should get in your car and drive as far away from that location as possible for the safety of your taste buds.

This….stuff (I hesitate to refer to it as “beer”)…pours like salad dressing, with all sorts of crap floating in it. We’re assuming it’s yeast, though it may as well be sea monkeys or overcooked ramen noodles, because it immediately turned off our panelists, who panned its appearance.

And as it turned out, much to the chagrin of our panel, appearance was its high mark.

The smell was off-putting, with most panelists noting overtones of fake movie theater popcorn butter. But that wasn’t nearly as disturbing as the flavor. In fact, the taste was so hideous, we’re not even going to bother trying to explain it.

Instead, you can read the hilarious, unedited comments our panelists wrote on their scoresheets:

“This is the worst beverage I’ve ever tasted.”

“I’m glad there are zero traces of bourbon it in, because that would have been a huge waste of good bourbon.”

“Melted Chap Stick flavor…waxy, thick mouthfeel with no bourbon whatsoever…just terrible.”

“They should call this Honey Bourbon Casket Wheat, because it deserves to be in the ground.”

“The aftertaste is the only good part, because you know it’s over. I drank more only because I couldn’t believe my own taste buds.”

As you’ll see by the detailed scores below, not a single category received an aggregate score in double-digits, currently making Shock Top Honey Bourbon Cask Wheat our lowest-rated beer ever.

Now…I know what you’re thinking, “Something rated this poorly, and with a review so brutally negative? Maybe I need to try this for myself.”

We can not caution you enough on what a huge mistake that would be, so please strongly consider the final words of one of our panelists…

“If someone hands this to me, I am throwing it to the floor.”

(Appearance 5, Smell 3, Taste 3.67, Aftertaste 2.83, Drinkability 1.17)

Shock Top Honey Bourbon Cask Wheat Appearance (10) Smell (10) Taste (30) Aftertaste (20) Drinkability (30) Total (100)
Jon 4 0 0 0 0 4
Mike 3 3 1 0 0 7
Bob 6 4 0 0 0 10
Rick 6 4 16 11 7 44
Amy 6 2 5 1 0 14
Ellen 5 5 0 5 0 15
Average: 5. 3. 3.67 2.83 1.17 15.67